26 October 2002

A mighty man once lived, the manner of which this world has not seen nor will ever see again. For he was a warrior-poet of old, mighty in both speech and action. None could stand against his word or his sword: within him resided the purity of a spring and the forcefulness of the sun.



He long roamed the earth, speaking tales of days as they were, as they are, and as they will be. His tales enchanted the listener, not with magic, but with truth. For his stories were a life unto themselves, living tapestries which drew men into a different land. The man’s tales brought the strongest to tears, and gave strength to the weak.



Their power was found in the heart of poet; for he carried a hidden fire which pierced deeply his heart, causing him the greatest of anguish. The fire was a story ineffable – the greatest of all tales, one that could not be expressed.



Few indeed saw this pain; it is doubtful that many mortal men could experience it and live. The poet knew his role, and lived his life despite the anguish which crippled his soul. The fire struggled against him; there were times when his mouth was closed and he was thrown to the floor, crying bitter tears that none could understand.



Yet still his tales grew in renown and power, for the man strove for a day when this inner fire could be expressed. Time passed and the poet grew old; the day came when he knew that his time was complete. Rising slowly from his chair, the poet began to chant one final tale, of the fire immortal.



To this day, there lives no man who could repeat the story spoken day, for such was its power that it pieced deeply into the hearts of each man and became an unspeakable part of him. The poet’s voice rose and fell as the ocean tide, carrying with it the music of the forest. He spoke of truth and betrayal, love and anguish, and the bitterness and sweetness of life. The fire within him was poured out into this tale, and the room was silent as the poet sank to his knees.



The hush remained in the hall as the poet’s final words escaped from his mouth. The people buried him deep within the forest, under a cairn of stone. On its face, only these words are inscribed: the fire immortal. It is said that even today, in these dark times, those who find this monument discover that the story still remains.

( C: 0 )



24 October 2002

Music plays an important role in my life - I have been involved in music for my entire life. It, unlike anything, has a tendency to reach me in deeper manners, opening my eyes to realities previously unseen. Thus, when my favorite band, Stavesacre, came out with a new CD, I was very excited.



Stavesacre may be the deepest band I know of, in terms of their lyrical content. They sing of things and touch on subjects which would not even enter the minds of most bands, in the empty music industry of today. Thus, their lyrics are constantly on my mind.



One short line comes from Stavesacre’s latest album comes to me repeatedly as of late: “In a world like this, how can you wonder at my sadness?”



I leave that for you to consider.

( C: 1 )

22 October 2002

I rarely use this blog to put up links to other sites, but MSNBC has an article which could be of great significance to Christian -- potentially clear archeological evidence for the life of Christ. Read the article here.



I am excited at this point, but cautiously so. It is possible that this is a fake, or a crock. However, it is equally possible that it is not. It is important to note that the Jewish historian Josephus placed James’ death at approximately the same dated as the ossuary - and Josephus had no axe to grind for the Christian cause, being a Jewish historian for the Roman empire. If indeed true, this discovery provides strong evidence indeed for Christ.

( C: 0 )

Today, I received an award for Digitalbranch! Thanks to Internetbeacon for the kind words and the award. I do this site to make an impact on people - it is good to know that some of my goals are being attained. Thanks again.



The award can be viewed here.

( C: 0 )

16 October 2002

(originally written 8/23/02)



Similar to yesterday, I find myself sitting in the dining room of Ben Israel. All about me is noise - children shrieking and playing their interpretation of ping-pong, and adults conversing about the night’s events. The atmosphere makes reflective writing difficult, but the cheerful innocence of the children is very different from the weight on my soul, and is somehow encouraging. (I am making an attempt at being more observant and connected with my surroundings. I have become aware of how disconnected these journals and my thought often become.)



Had I begun this conversation earlier in the day, it would have been much darker that it may yet be. the more I brood, the more I become enamored with my own inner darknesses. I have noted before how my natural introverted state has become twisted in a manner where it has almost blinded me to what may be happening around me. I often interpret outward events in terms of what is happening within me. In other words, I begin to reflect myself on others - seeing my pride in some, my other vices in others. While, at times this may be a spiritual leading, the difference is difficult to distinguish.



Reggie, rather than Art, spoke tonight, concerning himself largely with eschatology. I have never seen a people such as these, who possess an eschatology more full than any I have heard. Reggie took a number of positions I had never heard before, though they largely escape me now. I would prefer to take the impression I received and make a study of those things myself. One interesting point I must examine is the possibility that Satan himself may be the restrainer.



Most of my dark reflection today concerned my hatred (for lack of a better word) of God in addition to my apparently indifferent spirit toward him. I believe the things of the Bible, the things of prophecy, and the supernatural. I trust that the One God is the God of Israel. Yet I find a burning anger and indifference toward him. I would almost choose hell and apparent free will over heaven and knowledge of my lack thereof, though I am loath to admit that even to myself. What causes such a rage within myself, other than my inner man fed by the spirits of the fire?



There must be a spiritual battle of which I have little Knowledge. Yet my insecurity denies my importance while my pride wallows in such a thought. Perhaps there is the reason for my spiritual blindness and my lack of emotional control. It seems that I opened a large rift in my spirit when I turned from God through which darkness might have its way. Worse, such disobedience gave them free reign; I no longer possess the authority to drive it from me. Neither do I have the strength to believe or beg for help. Yet, there may be an eternal purpose for this. Even Christ was buffeted in such a manner. My strength and faith and power fail me. I am left only with God - not hope or faith, but merely dry fact. If I am to be saved, I can only be saved by this God of Israel. I have no illusions about this; perhaps he will, perhaps he will not. All I can do is wait for release of some kind.

( C: 0 )

Within the next several days, I hope to have another past journal entry up. I am also looking for people to exchange links with. If you have a site and would like to exchange links with me, email me at admin@digitalbranch.net.

( C: 0 )

11 October 2002

~ Tension ~
(Originally written several months ago)

I find a certain tension within myself as I begin to write. Emotive words as powerless, confused, blind, and pained only begin to express the difficulty I encountering in writing my thoughts. Indeed, these journals themselves seem to be some type of mental self-pleasure. I am struck with the difficulty I have in being honest with myself in my own writings, as if some type of revisionist thought might make my suffering more palatable.

Many of my thoughts stem from my reading of Ben Israel moments ago. I am struck by the stark honesty that Art Katz used in his own journals, in addition to his expressive use of language. If the death and corruption of the native tongue is indeed a sure sign of a civilization’s decline, then I am a harbinger of things to come.

Art’s record of his journey throughout Europe and the Middle East express the kind of search which I find myself in, albeit with a considerably weaker intellect. Like him, I find myself empty in an empty world, searching for meaning. Yet by all accounts, I should be filled. How is it that I find myself so empty? I find no pleasures in the things of this world, yet I cannot bring myself to enter into the (I search for the proper words) eye of the Lord. I have half-heartedly attempted to do so in the past, of course, but who is better at detecting such a mockery than God? (Even now, I sense falsehood creeping somehow into my writings, a pride which takes pleasure in this analysis! How can this be?)

I, who have been used to heal (I write ‘’been used” for l realize that this is the theological truth; but my heart, in its arrogance, mutters and proclaims ‘’I have done it”.); I whose prayers have moved mountains; I who am respected for his faith and his love; I who appear to be all of these things am in fact none.

My intellect even wanes due to neglect and abuse. I am uncertain of its recovery. What purpose would that even serve? I would still be a fool. My search therefore continues, but (Again. I search for the words) I stand suspended between a hell l can perceive and a heaven I cannot. I am lost. I have been spent.

Yesterday, I forced myself to read the Bible. Minutes clicked by as I struggled with whether to do so or not, for I fear the piercing eyes of God. I did finally read, however, finding myself amazed by the teachings of Christ, while at the same time being offended by their simplicity. I do not know why, but their apparent simplicity caused me to doubt his actuality. Yet at the same time there was something deeper within them which I struggled to come to terms with. I believe it is this which offended me, because my pride would have nothing to do with such things. Man believes what he will.

Thus, there is hope. I still am able to perceive the truth, though not fully able to grasp it. I can only live in the hope that God will once again look upon me.

( C: 2 )

10 October 2002

Here is what I have decided to do: I am going to post some of my past (more personal) journals on this site for the world to see (slightly edited to protect the innocent, of course), in the hopes that perhaps they might be of use/interest/help to someone. I’ll begin soon.

-maj

( C: 0 )

08 October 2002

After a long absence, this site has returned to the internet... with a vengance.



My original host, cyberwings, decided to up and leave, basically scamming me and thousands of others of our money and the services they promised to provide. Now that I have a job and money, I decided it was time to get the ‘ol site back up again. So, here it is. The site is only slightly redesigned, and the content is generally the same, but I will be adding new items as often as I have a chance, and some of my older journal entries when I have time.



Until then, peace.

( C: 0 )

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