14 January 2003

If I have ever heard a song which expresses the pain of my heart, it is this one:

Mad World by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules

all around me are familiar faces

worn out places, worn out faces

bright and early for their daily races

going nowhere, going nowhere

and their tears are filling up their glasses

no expression, no expression

hide my head i want to drown my sorrow

no tommorow, no tommorow

and i find it kind of funny

i find it kind of sad

the dreams in which i’m dying

are the best i’ve ever had

i find it hard to tell you

‘cuz i find it hard to take

when people run in circles

it’s a very, very

mad world

children waiting for the day they feel good

happy birthday, happy birthday

made to feel the way that every child should

sit and listen, sit and listen

went to school and i was very nervous

no one knew me, no one knew me

hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson

look right through me, look right through me

and i find it kind of funny

i find it kind of sad

the dreams in which i’m dying

are the best i’ve ever had

i find it hard to tell you

‘cuz i find it hard to take

when people run in circles

it’s a very, very

mad world

12 January 2003

~ A General Lack of Enthusiasm ~

I’ve been rather unenthusiastic today. Nothing really seems to be getting me excited, and the majority of things in my life are getting me down. I even attempted to write a story today, and could not come up with anything to write about. Actually, that is somewhat incorrect. I had something to write about, but could barely conceive of the concept in words - and was thus unable to put it down in words.

I think I am torn up about the future and what I should be doing. I definately get the sense that I am no longer where I should be; but I am uncertain where I should be, or even how I should determine where that place is. So, I am stuck in a place I do not belong without the ability to get out of it.

I do not belong in this world (and when I say this, I do not mean it in a suicidal sense). I do not belong, for the type of man that I am is not accepted in this world. I dream, I hope, I see what should be - I want to change the world. I’m a writer, a poet, a warrior. My mind is always full of thought, and my shoulders always burdened with the cares and pain. I do not belong here. I belong to a different time and place, a different existance entirely.

I merely wish to know where that land is.

14 January 2003

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12 January 2003

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04 January 2003

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