Concerning the nature of true preaching:



If the complete Christ is not in the preaching, then the Church is broken. The relation between God’s Word and man’s word in preaching is not that of mutual exclusion… God’s Word has really entered into the humiliation of the words of men.

( C: 0 )

28 April 2003

Gold and silver have I none, but what I possess I share freely: the blessing of the Three to be aiding you, abiding with you, and showering peace and plenty on you, and on your people, each day, all day, and forever.

( C: 0 )

27 April 2003

As I read through the book of Matthew, it seems evident that Christ saw clearly what would become of his Church. He says, in one verse, that many would come before him and say “Did we not cast out demons in your name?” and call him, “Lord, Lord” – yet he would say to these people, “Depart from me, I never knew you.” There is no reward for such people, for they never knew Christ.



Yet he also says, in 10:42, “And whoever gives only a cup of cold water to one of these little ones in the name of a disciple, I tell you the truth, he will never lose his reward.” Concerning this verse, several thoughts come to mind. First, the act performed here seems utterly blasé and insignificant. Anyone could give someone a cup of cold water. It is a simple act, seemingly disconnected from the spiritual power which the church so often seeks. Reward and eternal life is not found in healing and casting out demons, acts which Christ gives us authority for, but in the love and care for of others. Yes, healing and casting out demons is a manner of caring for the little ones. But today, it is often a show and a facade intended to allow self-glory.



Another point of importance is that the cup of water is given, in this passage, in the name of a disciple! Christ here emphasizes that reward is not found in self-glory but in the name of another. If even a cup of water cannot be given in your name or for your glory, then how can a miracle be performed in a manner which brings attention to yourself? It cannot. A cup of water, given in another’s name (and not even Christ’s name!) finds more reward than a demon loosed for your own sake.



And the act of proclaiming Christ “Lord, Lord” is not enough. Performing a healing which brings attention to your person and your methods (perhaps by throwing someone across the stage, or by even pulling someone upon the stage in the first place), and then saying, “To Christ be the glory” is a blatant lie – one I wonder that more do not see through. Anything which brings attention to yourself, rather than God, is a sin. Pray in your closet, Christ says. Fast in good clothes, not bringing attention to yourself. If these things which are by no means (even in their pure form) obvious must be done quietly, then the same must be true for the seemingly “greater” gifts.



I’ll admit to pulling points out of the verses here which are less obvious than the, well, obvious ones. But this does not negate the points I have discovered. If only we knew this Christ better, in order to better follow his ways. I know I wish this.

( C: 0 )

Hurt, by Johnny Cash



I hurt myself today

to see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

the only thing that’s real

the needle tears a hole

the old familiar sting

try to kill it all away

but I remember everything

what have I become?

my sweetest friend

everyone I know

goes away in the end

you could have it all

my empire of dirt



I will let you down

I will make you hurt



I wear my crown of thorns

on my liar’s chair

full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

beneath the stain of time

the feeling disappears

you are someone else

I am still right here

what have I become?

my sweetest friend

everyone I know

goes away in the end

you could have it all

my empire of dirt



I will let you down

I will make you hurt



if I could start again

a million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way

( C: 2 )

22 April 2003

I know, it is depressing. I know, its not encouraging. But I cannot help it - its on my mind.



There is no rhythem or pattern to this life

For the tears are not of the damned.

The cries, they come, from the saved

As their hearts grow, into rage



There is no answer within my mind

For the things I daily see

The richer get richer, and the poor, they die

And I exist merely to be.



There is no justice for my soul

For my mind’s genius is defeat

The more I know, the darker my soul

The less I am able to see.



There is no courage within my heart

For I merely wish to flee

To journey the world, to wander as lost

The king of the damned to be.

( C: 0 )

21 April 2003

I awoke today with one question resounding through my mind: why am I waking up today? This question is not one of a person too lazy to wake (“Why am I awake? I should call in sick?”) but the question of one who genuinely is not certain of his purpose. Why was I waking up? So that I might go work, in order to make money, in order to make more money, in order to eventually die? Perhaps it was merely that the futility of this existence was weighing more heavily on my heart than usual. Perhaps this is why I could not understand why I was awake.



After all, it seems that – if work and the daily grind were all there is to life – the statement, “Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die” is a particularly true one. For, if life is this empty, there is no reason to do anything but pour yourself into pleasure. There is nothing more meaningful in working a job than drinking your life away. Either lifestyle carries the same result.



But I’m unsure where the One who gives Meaning plays into this. Does his existence make my meaningless job more meaningful? If so, how? Or does he, by giving my life meaning thereby infuse all I do with meaning, in the same way that paint infuses a wall with color? The wall itself carries no color – but it has been infused with color through the paint.



In this way, I do not necessarily think that my job inherently carries significance. It is a job of this world, carrying no eternal significance. Truth is, nothing in this world carries any significance or greater meaning apart from the Lord. Great meaning can only come from the only one with meaning – the Lord. Therefore, as a Christian, my life should have meaning and importance as a result of the meaning and importance given to me through my salvation. I carry inherent meaning within me, unaffected by the lack of meaning outside of me.



Therefore, any attempt to derive significance or meaning through my external efforts – whether through a job or through ministry – is useless. What then do I make of the emotions I felt this morning? Why then do I question the meaning of my job, or why I awoke?



Either it is because I doubt my inherent significance and meaning or because I am no longer called to spread my meaning in this place. While the first statement is true, I believe the second plays a larger role in my emotion. There is a certain point (when painting) when any additional layers of paint would be pointless – for additional paint adds no more color. While the paint does not lose its significance (how can it? It has not lost its color.), it has lost its particular role in spreading that significance in that particular context. At that time, the proper action would be to paint somewhere else.



If this is true for me, then I have not lost my significance and meaning – my life and job seem futile because my purpose then has been fulfilled. Thus, I feel as if the job is insignificant and that there is no reason to wake in the morning, when in fact my time there is merely complete.

( C: 0 )

19 April 2003

I’m wondering about Easter – about the significance of Christ’s death. I wish I could understand how important it truly is, and the role knowledge of it should play in my daily life. Is his death the most important thing? Or is his resurrection? Or is the resurrection the proof of what he accomplished at death?



I ask for this reason: if Christ was not raised from the dead, his death is utterly useless to us. After all, this is what Paul tells us. Therefore, which really holds the significance? Or are they both equally significant? Or do both carry such a weight of significance in and of themselves, that one causes the other to be even more important?



For, without the resurrection the death of Christ carries no significance – for there is no power in a dead man. But without the death, the power of the resurrection is useless – for there can be no life without death. What a powerful tale! For the Christian has no power unless he has lived and died; but he has no significance unless he is raised again. It would be wise to remember this.



Therefore, it seems to me that both the death and resurrection of Christ carried equal importance, for both are necessary proofs for our salvation. Therefore, I rejoice at the death of Christ but I rejoice more at his resurrection – which shows our faith true, good, and right.

( C: 0 )

17 April 2003

“Long December” by Counting Crows



A long December and there’s reason to believe

maybe this year will be better than the last

I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving

Now the days go by so fast



And it’s one more day up in the canyons

And it’s one more night in Hollywood

If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would



The smell of hospitals in winter

And the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters, but no pearls

All at once you look across a crowded room

to see the way that light attaches to a girl



And it’s one more day up in the canyons

And it’s one more night in Hollywood

If you think you might come to California...I think you should



Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.

and talked a little while about the year

I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,

Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her



And it’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe

maybe this year will be better than the last

I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself

To hold on to these moments as they pass



And it’s one more day up in the canyon

And it’s one more night in Hollywood

It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean...I guess I should

( C: 0 )

14 April 2003

Apparently, I’m not really in a philosophical mood – the kind of mood that debates endlessly without any real action. I want to act, to move. But it is an idyllic kind of feeling, the kind not properly bound to the world’s reality. It is the enthusiasm of the youth, the unfettered striving for the ideal end. And, more importantly, it is the utter expectation that such an end will be the result.



Who am I to argue with such hope? It seems that only such idealism can change the world. Pessimism is the attitude of the unbeliever, of the one who has no hope. For pessimism sees things as they are with little hope for what may be. Christ was a realist – seeing man as he is, but with the expectation of a greater future.



The realism of Christ is so radical that it can only be seen by mankind as idealism. If I were to stand right now within the Church and proclaim, “Behold! The Kingdom of God is at hand! The Son of Man shall soon return to this world to punish the wicked and reward the righteous!” I would be branded an idealistic fool – especially if my entire message and my entire life was the preaching of the impending Kingdom of God. They would either brand me a fool for focusing the entirety of my life on such a message, or they would foolishly cheer me, not understanding the import and depth of such a message.



(How can I even claim to understand the deep parts of such a word?)



I’m not doing justice to the complexity of reaction to the consistent preaching of the Kingdom of God. There would be any range of reactions – but I can say, almost definitely, that the reaction would not be the reaction of the seeing to the wisdom of God, but the reaction of the foolish to the foolishness of the world.



How can one not be branded an idealistic fool, when he preaches Christ’s death and resurrection? When he preaches that all can be saved – but few will chose to be? When he preaches that we are called to “be perfect as the Father is perfect”? When he preaches that only the complete and utter death of self is acceptable to God?



These truths have been diluted through time, through worldly human experience. And such experience is valid – to the extent that one realizes that it is utterly false. Human experience does not trump the truth of the Word of God. So modern psychology teaches thus and so about this and that – what does this matter, except that it lines up with God’s teaching? Where psychology develops and agrees with God’s vision of man, it is useful. Where it attempts to exceed and edit God’s vision, it is in grievous error.



But who will be this idealistic fool? Who will preach this Kingdom of God? Who is willing to be misunderstood, challenged, and rejected for the sake of the truth? I cannot say that my heart entirely craves such a life – but should God will it, I will be such a man.

( C: 0 )

13 April 2003

My difficulty understanding the wisdom of God becomes more evident each and every time I read this passage. It is powerful in its description of who God is, and the human reaction to God. The Lord’s majesty is so great that he fills the temple, that his face must be covered, that the whole temple – the temple, the most holy place of holy places… that place shakes! The most holy of all things man could create: it was shaking at his majesty. How utterly shocking that it is; the greatest and most holy thing we could create, it cannot contain nor hold the holiness and glory of the Lord.



Even Isaiah, a prophet of this God, a man who surely must be more holy than all of Israel, cannot stand before the Lord. He says, “Too bad for me! I am destroyed, for my lips are contaminated by sin, and I live among people whose lips are contaminated by sin. My eyes have seen the king, the Lord who leads armies.”



As he gazes upon the Lord, he realizes that he cannot praise this Lord – for he is a sinful man. Isn’t that the way of the Lord? We cannot realize his holiness until we gaze upon his majesty. And when we realize his holiness, with it comes the knowledge that we cannot praise him. We cannot even speak of him, for our dirt, our ugliness, degrades our praise of his glory. Man’s words are unworthy to even speak of good things.



Yet God’s purifying flame, a coal – the temperature of which is supremely high, glowing red, whose exterior only emphasizes its eternal heat – purifies Isaiah’s mouth. And in such an act, his sin is removed. But this could not be a simple, comfortable task. And it was not performed by Isaiah. Only the Lord can remove our sin and call us “clean”. And only then can we even speak of Him. For we cannot cleanse ourselves – only the Lord can. And we can only be cleansed if he shows himself to us first, and reveals how pathetic we truly are.



Then the Lord asks his question: “Who will I send? Who will we send on our behalf?” What key question! Who will go on the behalf of God!? If this is not enough to send us all to our knees, I do not know what is. How can we not be humbled by such a question? For just moments ago, Isaiah was unable to even speak of the Lord – now the Lord is asking who will speak for him. Who will be sent? This is rhetorical question – for only Isaiah was there and clearly he was chosen. We cannot be sent unless God himself sends us. And when he sends, he asks the rhetorical question specifically and waits for the obvious response.



And Isaiah gives it: “Here I am, send me!” One can almost hear him shouting that it, with a combination of enthusiasm and agony – knowing both the joy and pain of such a call. I imagine that it may have just burst forth from his mouth almost without thought, because the call was so much a part of him that no other response was possible. “Who will be sent,” God asks. “Here I am, send me,” is the only possible response. Not, “let me bury my father” or “let me do this” – but send me. No strings attached.



But here is the part that boggles my mind. God’s instructions are entirely illogical and out of step with what man would instruct. Having been sent, one would expect God to say, “Go to the people – and they will repent and come back to me.” But no – he says, “tell the people to be ever hearing never understanding… until their cities are in ruins.” This is the nature of God’s sending: it is stands in stark contrast with the way of man. His wisdom is not ours. When he sends, it is to a strange land, and it causes strange actions. It will cause conflict, for others – even those who know the Lord – will not understand. I’d imagine that the common Israelite who truly served God would not understand such preaching, and would reject Isaiah for his message. I know I would.



But the send one is not proved true or false by his message, unless his message stands in contrast to the message of the lord. Ultimately, his message is proven true by the Lord himself. And such a message is rarely seen these days – perhaps because so few are truly sent.

( C: 0 )

12 April 2003

I wrote this paper several years ago, and promptly forgot about it. However, its importance as a topic is no less important now. It’s called “The True Essence of Preaching” and covers the nature of true preaching within the church.

( C: 0 )

I fixed several articles which were not working correctly - for some reason, they were all truncated. They all work now.



Study of Ruth - Exegesis

Study of Ruth - Final Study

Study of Romans 8 - Exegesis

Genesis - Word Study

( C: 0 )

Again, it is ironic that I cannot find Christ. I cannot. I can see him crucified in a skit and cry at his human pain… but he must reveal himself to me. What a horrible agony, to know that you can seek but you can only find when the one you seek shows himself to you.

( C: 0 )

Hey - I redesigned the site once again, and most likely the last time for a rather long time. After reflecting on the purpose of this site, I realized that I wanted this place to be more about the content rather than the look, so I simplified the design (greatly), making it infinitely more readable. So - that’s that! From now on, I concentrate on the blogging and the content, rather than the design.



At least that’s my goal!

( C: 0 )

09 April 2003

Existing efforts on my part to describe my mood have failed, thus far, to generate the proper words. “Depressed” is not correct – because I’m not depressed. “Down” might be valid, but I’m not really unhappy about anything. “Sad” would be right, except that this mood possesses none of the depth characterizing true sadness. Perhaps, to coin an emotion, “wanderer” would be most accurate. I feel the emotions of a wanderer, one who is in a strange land. Tristan from “Legends of the Fall” would be the characterization of my mood.



It is the manner of emotion which leads one to see with sadness this strange world; to see it from the position of an outsider, having no ability to control or affect it in any way. It is as if one is outside of the flow of time, watching people fall and fail and the world shatter about them. This is how I feel, though believing it true would be foolish. I am not outside the time-stream; nor am I even a stranger to this world. I am in fact, far too spiritually involved in it. Perhaps this emotion is a reminder from God of how illegitimate the ruler of this world is. He possesses it and rules it and though it fails about us, we are unable to see. Thus, we continue on our small ways with our small minds and our small tasks, remaining ignorant. And remaining happy to the extent that we are able to be happy.

( C: 3 )