23 June 2005

I’ve clearly decided to avoid politics in this arena -- this is my place for reflection and introspection, not a battleground for ideologues. I much prefer serenity here, since it is something of a refuge for my mind. Having said that, I want to note a recent Supreme Court decision that concerns me, concerns us all. The Supreme Court ruled that the government has the right to seize homes under the clause of eminent domain when the land is being used for “public use”.

Whatever, right? This is a logical and necessary (if somewhat aggravating) bestowed right of government. -- Can you image the difficulties we’d have developing a transportation system if this wasn’t in place? The difficulty, here, is that the government has now been given the right to seize properties even if “public use” is being defined as “land seized and then given to private corporations because we consider this to be a better use of land”. What a terrifying idea! This broad ruling essentially gives the government the right to our land -- not just for government, public construction (that is clearly for public use) but for corporations! They can force us to sell our land to businesses, in essence.

I’m not a landowner, but this is a serious breach in constitutional protection -- and should be fought by each and every one of us.

That’s why I’m encouraging you to make a donation at the somewhat pretentiously named Institute for Justice, the non-profit organization that provided the legal team for the defendant in this case. They seem to be involved in a number of legal cases that have some significance. I made a donation despite my disinclination to do so for any organization.

Some things are worth the money.

( C: 1 )

21 June 2005

As I walked in, this night, I looked into the sky. I found myself surprised by the beautied full moon. My eyes saw the moonlight flow through branches, shuttered behind mortal trees and before the dark expanse. The moon truly has a greater glory than the sun -- it possesses a subtle grace. The moon is confident and lithe, it allows that lingering gaze its older sister detests in jealousy and fear, and thefore rebuffs.

She tricked me, the moon, by allowing me to look at her. For the moment I looked to the sky, I forgot my doubts, my despair. I found beauty, forgetting myself. (How often this happens, and how rare!) In that moment, I drew upon eternity’s breath and was satisfied...

The moon glimmered down upon the darkened cove,
Its ocean light flickered and wove...

( C: 2 )

19 June 2005

Look at the mechanical man dance! One wonders what motivates his laugh, what punch card caused that friendly wave, whether he has a bit of appreciation for the significance of his efforts.

Or does he perform because his program demands it? Ah, what of it -- he likely lacks any such compunction.

( C: 2 )

16 June 2005

Overheard a woman state, “He’ll only give us the best -- and I want only the best.” Is this strictly true? Do we generally desire only the best? At times, I strive harder for the lesser thing... Does she truly want “the best” in this circumstance, or would she exchange that best for a lesser thing & a greater best in a different area? -- the question is one of the highest best, the ultimate thing that all others shatter before.

Life is no joke & it must be lived in that way, with that knowledge. But it often seems a satire -- of our hopes & dreams.

Bitter day, today? I likely am too similar to Herzog to read without feeling the effect of his created mind. How malleable I am, yet too firm, fickle & fallen...

( C: 1 )

I’m working on the archives/blog roll/site search/blog search functions. The archives and blog roll are working, though the look isn’t fully functional yet. Kinda nice tool, isn’t it? It’s taken me a while to decide how I wanted to do the archives and links.

( C: 0 )

12 June 2005

How I hate to enjoy, for fear that my pleasure my betray me! When I say, “I enjoy writing,” I do not mean, “I derive pleasure from writing.” What mean is this: “In a hypothetical world, I can see writing as something which would give me strength & joy. But, here, it is held at a distance.”

Of course, this is ultimately self-defeating & more dangerous than just enjoy the world. All men long for pleasure: the search seems hard-wired. By denying the reward, I leave myself ever-longing, ever-inconsolable, and ever frustrated. I become weary because the thing that gives the search -- rather, the man -- energy & virility is the thing that cannot be found. As such, this leaves my heart emaciated, my body worn. It is no wrong thing to enjoy.

How do I break free of this prison I have commissioned? I cannot seek joy: to seek this is to lose this -- Lewis rightly points out that one cannot focus on joy. Once it becomes an object, its irrational (intuitive) nature becomes rational & objective & the feeling of it, the experience is gone. It is not experienced, then, but observed.

But joy is experienced as a result of another object -- it can only be experienced out of the corner of the eye, some strange, unknowable object that is just out of sight. One must let it sneak up for it to effect a one’s self. Therefore -- focus on the thing, let joy play its role, just out of sight. Otherwise, I might spend the rest of my life turning about in suspicion and fear -- neither seeing nor experiencing much of anything. Pleasure’s movements are much too swift, and my searching movements are preventing me from seeing much of anything.

(Do I dare equate pleasure and joy? Joy is the more long term sort of thing -- but in the moment, we’d be hard-pressed to distinguish between joy & ecstasy I’d think.)

( C: 1 )

11 June 2005

... I must be intentional & focused & certain in relationship. I’ve stumbled, sloppy-drunk, into many friendships and, with red nose & bleary eyes, bent & twisted myself, till I fell to the floor. Ask a sot about the company he keeps, and he’ll lean forward in seriousness, he’ll try and grasp your shoulder with a clammy hand. And in a clumsy jerk, he’ll throw his hands to the air: “They’re great!” He’ll shout to the world. Probe deeper, ask why -- he cannot tell you, his voice is dissolute, confident and confused. “Why?” you ask, he does not know, but he is flush with clear truth. He coughs & blusters & shouts, but there is no answer but “They’re great.” He does not know, they do not know, no one knows. And his led about by those, great & devout. Hyperbolic, but an apt metaphor. I am as the drunk -- confused, unfocused, led, distracted. My life is such -- drunk and unfocused, my relationships, the same...

the lost and sought,
the steamy cough
of the sickened, distress wanderer.
The lusting thought,
the lot he sought...

... like a child, I am dominated by guilt & the principles of others...

( C: 2 )

09 June 2005

But yield who will to their separation,
My object in living is to unite
My avocation and my vocation
As my two eyes make one in sight.
Only where love and need are one,
And the work is play for mortal stakes,
Is the deed ever really done
For Heaven and the future’s sakes

~Robert Frost from “Two Tramps in Mud Time”

( C: 0 )

Deep, empassioned thought
Mythos & pathos lost
Burning logic
Sophist knowledge
Rowan mystics
Truth, consistent
Man, followed,
The beaten path,
Mysteries, hidden
Sparkled glass,
Faded memory,
Godly mass.

( C: 1 )

07 June 2005

One wishes that social actions could be performed in such a way so as to benefit each and every human. Such a thing would be near impossible, however. Society is no calm lake beneath a russet forest, with a tossed rock folding predictable, liquid patterns. There must be a certain level of risk-assessment, Herzog -- a certain level of cost. The difficulty lies in valuing man versus men.

We haven’t the deft touch of the divine, who sent Christ to save both man and men -- and who’s actions value both equally. -- because Christ is the goal of both man and men, individual and society.

( C: 1 )

05 June 2005

Why do we spend so much time muttering & joking at our weaknesses, as if it is weakness that endears one to another? Rather than correct, improve, strengthen, the man in the other jokes about his poor parking skills, finding identity in failure.

I do much the same.

And, yet, not all do this.

( C: 3 )

02 June 2005

And as I turn my back, turn toward travels, my grandpa speaks one last time, gazing at me with those day-faded eyes. He is not a profound man: but he is well-lived. And he directs this comment to me with all the force of his 96 years, a moment of supreme clarity:

“Get married -- take it from a man who has been married for 67 years...” His garbled voice trails off, it dances into the past, remembers that last kiss, remembers the last breath of those 67 years, years never expressed in the past tense. “It is the greatest thing you can ever experience...”

I’m taken aback. I don’t know how to respond. I didn’t expect this. I want to sit down and talk, but my words are too many. He’d not understand. He’d understand too well.

I nod through a tightened throat.

“See you, grandpa,” and walk away.

( C: 0 )